Field Note 3: November. Being Crabby — I Stand Corrected

I submitted a crabby review of the music on an online meditation in the comments section, that was otherwise filled with thanks for the content. I could not get past it in the moment (I thought)!  (Justification:  the theme was elves and fairies, for calming, the music was electronic — of course — and tinny — and I yearned for fairy music). Searching, I was able to apologize, but not remove the review, and aware that with my books and more I am stepping into the public sphere for the first time — liable.

You may think such a snark unimportant. I was totally convicted by her kind, simple response, and appreciated the fact that I even cared! Larger questions arose.

Being crabby is a "disposition to be combative" (see photo above).  Literally crabbed means crooked, gnarled, rough.  Does our survival, like the crabs, really depend now on show, name calling and rant?

One of my favorite authors is 96-year-old Florida Pier Scott-Maxwell, a Jungian psychologist in Scotland and England, who in her older age wrote The Measure of My days (she died in 1979). One reviewer (was it in The New Yorker last year? I couldn't find it) accused her, laughingly, of being crabby in this book. Being crabby is being "disagreeable, sour, and peevish". Not being an elder himself, I thought it a misunderstanding not to have seen into her thoughtful and serious world of eldership. Her very first words are these:

We who are old know that age is more than a disability.
It is an intense and varied experience, almost beyond our capacity at times, but something to be carried high. If it is a long defeat it is also a victory, meaningful for the initiates of time, if not for those who have come less far.

I love being an "initiate of time"!

I can feel peevishness within me.  It rises like a yowl at times. The political dysfunction shows the ease of peevishness and is terrifying. And I know the wolf needs to howl, the voices in the wilderness need to shout, and the lion to lie down with the lamb. Crossness however throws itself athwart any direction, opposed, contrary and is trouble and misery for us all rather than personal conviction and a desire to hold the field open for wisdom.

Dance Partner

I lack the skill of pushing hands tai chi
to respond to contact opposition.
My stance is self-protected, off balance.
I lose my rootedness – can’t yield
without compromise.

Best practice discourages extremes
and learns soft answers.
Stand to learn through the Eight Gate
hand movements: ward off, roll back,
press, push, pluck, twist, elbow, shoulder.

Avoid separating from my opponent.
Maintain your inner structure.
Hey! Why so fearful of losing yourself?

The Song is all relaxation.  Don’t crumble
except to become a place where wild
flowers can grow.  Repeat to yourself:
“No resistance, no conflict.”

Dance the Five Steps: forward, backward,
left, right center.
Practice a new dance routine.
Practice a new dance routine.